Fatherhood
Week 45 Devotional
OK Men,
Many years ago, my family and I had a dog that simply couldn’t stop getting into the trash can. He had no self-control whatsoever. One time, I walked into the kitchen, saw the mess, and yelled, “RJ! What did you do?!?!” He ran off, full of shame, with his tail between his legs. My daughter, who was probably five at the time, asked, “What did that damn dog do?” My attention was no longer focused on the mess. Holding back my own laughter, I asked, “Where did you hear that word?” As if searching her little mind for just the right excuse that would get her out of trouble, she said, “Um, RJ.” The dog. She blamed it on the dog. As the saying goes, kids say the darndest things. But why do kids say the darndest things? Because they’re always watching us.
Kids learn through observation. The words and actions seen in TV shows, from older siblings, and parents, all form our kids in one way or another. In essence, before our children have the cognitive ability to disciple Christ, they’re discipling us. Everything we say and do is shaping them. My “D” word became my daughters “D” word. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old, they will not turn from it.” This is a challenging Proverb. It’s one that we all certainly want to be true. However, chances are that you know someone who was raised in the church and still walked away from it. Even if they are shown and taught the Godly path, sometimes children do turn from the Lord in their adulthood. This is not an inerrancy in God’s Word, but rather reveals the condition of the human heart. It’s prone to wandering. Think of Adam. Think of the prodigal son. Think of yourself. How many times have you personally strayed off the path? Because kids are always watching, we’re always teaching. All of your words and actions have importance. School, friends, the news, and everything else that is worldly is going to pull at their hearts. A lack of fatherly guidance will have them pointed in all directions but toward God.
Judges 2:7 says, “The people served the Lord throughout the lifetime of Joshua and of the elders who outlived him and who had seen all the great things the Lord had done for Israel.” But things changed quicker than you might think. “After that whole generation had been gathered to their ancestors, another generation grew up who knew neither the Lord nor what he had done for Israel. Then the Israelites did evil in the eyes of the Lord and served the Baals. They forsook the Lord, the God of their ancestors, who had brought them out of Egypt. They followed and worshipped various gods of the peoples around them. They aroused the Lord’s anger,” (v10-12). One generation escaped Egypt and wandered the desert. The next generation entered the Promised Land. The following generation turned to evil because they “knew neither the Lord nor what he had done for Israel”. One generation! That’s all it took. Even if the men were busy setting up all the tribes of Israel in their new lands and getting their country established and settled, how did their sons not know God? How had none of their stories been passed down to their daughters? How is it even possible for Joshua and his generation to know and serve the Lord, yet fail so badly as teachers? What were the children observing from their fathers that left them completely uneducated on who the Lord is, and completely unprepared to withstand the evil falsehoods of their neighbors? This is a tragedy, and it proves that it’s possible to honor the Lord while simultaneously neglecting fatherly duties.
The next generation of Israelites were undisciplined in the ways of the Lord. We still see generations of undisciplined kids grow up to be undisciplined adults. The word “discipline” comes from the word “disciple”. As we disciple Jesus, we are disciplining ourselves (with the help of the Holy Spirit!) to turn away from the sinful, fleshly desires of our hearts, and choosing to follow Christ. Discipline is a hard thing, but it’s a good thing. Hebrews 12:5-7 says, “And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says, ‘My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines the ones he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.’ Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children.” Discipline from the Lord is an encouragement! It reveals his love for us. The Lord’s discipline is our sanctification. Verses 10-11 add, “God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Discipline is not punishment. Rather, it helps us grow into better men. If the Lord disciplines us, his children, we too ought to set up healthy disciplines for our children. When my children complain about chores, homework, screen time, or other disciplines I have set for them, I always tell them, “Hard things make us better.” But it’s not merely kids that need to hear that.
Most men will gladly say, “I would die for my children.” The challenging truth is that that’s an easy claim. Any half-way decent father would say that. It’s easy to say you’d die for them when you know your salvation is secure in Jesus Christ. It’s easy to say you’d die for them when you know it’s a statistical probability that you won’t have to. Your children don’t need you to die for them, they need you to die to yourself. If the opportunity ever presents itself, yes, I will run into a burning building to save them. But what they really need is for me to stop drinking in order to break the generational curse that runs in my family. So I did. What my son needs is for me to stop looking at pornography, so that when he’s a teenager, I’m properly equipped to help him navigate that battle. So I did. My daughters need me to show love, compassion, and respect to my wife in our disagreements, so they can see what to look for in a future husband. So I do. You really want to do something that will teach your children a valuable lesson? Do the hard thing and die to yourself.
Can you get up 30 minutes earlier to read the Word of God every day? Kids learn a great deal from a father who prioritizes time with God. Are you willing to regularly exercise for your kids? The physical, mental, and emotional health that exercise brings is great for the home. Have you demonstrated what it looks like to turn to the Lord in your stress instead of binge scrolling? Kids will learn all about worldliness on their own. They need to see and experience your relationship with God in the home. When my children are old enough, I will tell them about my struggles and how dying to my vices and fleshly temptations helped me become a better disciple to Christ, and a better father to them. Can you die to laziness? Can you die to your temper? Can you die to whatever ungodliness is in your heart? Watching their father grow continuously closer with Christ will be the best lesson you ever teach them.
This concept of teaching through model and observation shows its importance when we realize that the disciples learned by watching Jesus. He modeled, they observed. He taught, they listened. They learned to live as Christians by mimicking the Christ! Your children can learn to love Jesus by following your lead. Let your children see your discipleship. Let them see you praying. Let them see you reading the Word. Let them see you loving the stranger, the critic, and the one who wronged you. Tell them when it’s difficult to do what Christ wants his followers to do. But then, tell them why it’s worth it. They will understand Christ’s importance when they see it coming from you. How you honor and devote yourself to Christ, whether it’s extensive or minimal, is sending a message to your kids.
What are you unintentionally teaching your kids? What messages are they picking up from you based on your behaviors? If my children can see me getting excited for a 3-hour sporting event, what kind of message would I be sending if I appeared bored during a 1-hour church service? My wife and I quote movies and TV shows a lot, but are my children also hearing me quote Scripture? I’m passionate about playing guitar. Do my kids see me passionate about worship? My actions, both good and bad, are going to shape my children. I have to make sure my life demonstrates the importance of Christ. My steps cannot inadvertently lead them to think that church, prayer, and the Word don’t matter. What messages are you sending your kids? What messages did the children of Israel receive from their fathers that kept them from understanding who God was?
Immediately after Moses received the 10 Commandments from God, he told the Israelites, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” (Deuteronomy 6:5-7). Impress them on your children. Teach the Lord’s commands to your kids, stamp them into their hearts and minds. Moses gave this instruction to the Israelites. It’s been secured in scripture for us. Unfortunately, it seems his protégé, Joshua, missed this one.
Joshua’s generation may have honored the Lord and experienced the Promised Land, but they failed their children. Your children are always watching you. Your words, interests, and disciplines are all teaching them something. In one sense, children can be your greatest motivation for acting Christ-like and practicing what you preach. Teaching the ways of the Lord is father’s responsibility, not the Sunday school volunteer’s. If you’re not modeling the ways of the Lord, what are you teaching them? A father’s influence on his children’s lives is vital in determining what kind of adults those children grow up to be. You’re greatest role as their father is being the earliest molder of their faith.
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