Anger

Week 18 Devotional

*For the next 5 weeks, our devotionals will look at emotions.

“Feelings are indicators, not dictators. They can indicate where your heart is in the moment, but that doesn’t mean they have the right to dictate your behavior and boss you around.” -Lysa TerKeurst.

OK Men,

Before our game of cul-de-sac baseball could even get started, my friend yelled, “You better not use my bat!” To which I said, “Okay,” and flung the bat as high as I could into the air, letting it clang off the concrete. Understandably ticked, my friend came sprinting toward me and a full-scale fight ensued. Punches thrown, kicks were delivered, I think I even wound up hitting him in the head with a base. Our pickup baseball game was over before the first pitch was thrown. This was an immature way of releasing my anger, but we were kids. As grown men, anger needs to be processed and dealt with differently. But rarely are we actually taught how to do this.

Anger is one of the most difficult emotions for a Christian man to navigate. Scripture tells us in Ephesians 4:26, "In your anger, do not sin.” This might top the list of scriptures that are easier said than done. Notice it doesn’t say, “In your fear do not sin,” or “In your sadness do not sin.” It specifically warns against anger. There is a clear connection between anger and a lack of self-control. Uncontrolled anger is something we have all experienced, whether having been on the receiving end, or been the one dishing it out. When we’re the latter, usually hypocrisy, shame, and regret ensue, and we’re left feeling far from the men of God we want to be.

When anger isn’t properly processed, it leads to bitterness, unforgiveness, or even full-blown hatred. I’ve experienced anger in the form of screaming, emotional explosions, and verbally tearing others down. I also know what it is to silently sit in my anger, stewing, allowing mental rumination, and then bottling everything up. A full release hurts those we love most. Stuffing it down and trying to ignore it only causes it to come out in other ways like sarcasm, withdrawing from relationships, or resentment. Anger has broken marriages, it has cost jobs, and led to jail cells. Anger doesn’t feel good, and when we don’t feel good, we self-medicate and look for anything that will make us feel better. Drugs, alcohol, and pornography being the usual suspects. Anger has many consequences, a subtle one being it simply prevents us from thinking clearly. But we’re not the only generation that has struggled to process anger in a God-honoring way.

When the Israelites were in the desert complaining about having no water (which is a valid complaint), God told Moses to speak to the rock and water will pour out. Instead, Moses called the Israelites, “Rebels,” in Numbers 20:10, and hit the rock twice with his staff. When a Samaritan village rejected Jesus and his disciples, James and John asked, “Lord, do you want us to call fire down from heaven to destroy them?” in Luke 9:54. There are Psalms that David wrote in his anger. Here are some examples of what poured from the heart of the shepherd boy, great king, and man of God: “May all who gloat over my distress be put to shame and confusion; may all who exalt themselves over me be clothed with shame and disgrace,” Psalm 35:26. “May their eyes be darkened so they cannot see, and their backs be bent forever. Pour out your wrath on them; let your fierce anger overtake them,” Psalm 69:23-24. “May his days be few; may another take his place of leadership. May his children be fatherless and his wife a widow,” Psalm 109:8-9. Moses lashed out, the disciples wanted to see a village burn, and David wanted his enemies to be stricken blind, lose their jobs, and then die. The men of the Bible didn’t handle their anger very well, but then Jesus got angry.

On the surface, the expression of Jesus’ anger can look sinful. The temple was meant to be a place of holy worship and reverence, but it had been turned into a shopping center. Something drastic needed to be done. Matthew 21:12-13 says, “Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. ‘It is written,’ he said to them, ‘My house will be called a house of prayer, but you are making it a den of robbers.’” Jesus’ anger caused him to flip tables and drive everyone out of the temple courts using a whip. This seems like sinful anger! However, his actions were righteous. He was restoring holiness to the temple; A holiness that the Jews had lost sight of. Jesus’ anger wasn’t reactive like mine tends to be. He didn’t bottle it up and let it affect his mind like I do. He didn’t see an egregious wrong and ignore it like I have. He got angry but still used wisdom. He was intentional in his anger and it produced an action that honored The Father.

I was once part of an exercise where men lined up face to face, and simply screamed. It was a way of releasing anger we may have been holding on to. Some men laughed, some didn’t really care for it, but for others, it was exactly the release they needed. I was thinking of a man I worked with. A man who made my job harder than it was supposed to be. A man who brought me frustration day after day. I screamed, and screamed, and screamed…and then I wept. I had no idea how much anger I had been holding onto and bottling up for so long. I had been carrying it around for years and didn’t even realize it. I was an easy-going Christian man, who had just discovered all the hate that had been building up in my heart. The Holy Spirit cleans out the wickedness in my heart; I was holding onto it.

Most believe the story of Jonah ends when the whale spits him out and he finally goes to Ninevah to preach repentance of their sins. But there’s a final detail that is quite interesting and often gets overlooked. 120,000 people turned from their evil ways and were spared from the wrath of God. That’s a good thing! However, Jonah 4:1 tells us, “But to Jonah this seemed very wrong, and he became angry.” After doing exactly what God instructed him to do, Jonah didn’t think Ninevah deserved God’s compassion. Verse 4 adds, “But the Lord replied, ‘Is it right for you to be angry?’” Was it right for me to be angry with my coworker? Does he not deserve the same compassion that the Lord has given me time and time again?

God created anger. Feeling it is part of the human experience. Proverbs 29:11 says, “Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.” The healthy, Christian response to anger is action, not reaction. Let the anger drive you to protect, set boundaries, or have difficult conversations to right a wrong. If you see an injustice, let anger drive you to create change. Get things done. Have something good come from your anger. Use your anger to strengthen your relationship with God. If you need to blow up, blow up in the direction of the Father. Pour it out to him, he can take it. Find a place where it is just you and God, and be vocal! Don’t just talk to him in your head. Get loud if you need! And if you still don’t know how to process the anger you’re feeling, remember Jacob. Jacob wrestled with God. He wrestled with him all night long in Genesis 32, and God allowed it. In our own stubbornness, lack of understanding, or anger, God allows us to wrestle with him without losing our status as righteous.

C.S. Lewis once said, “I sat with my anger long enough until she told me her real name was grief.” Men have been known to give full vent to their rage when anger is not actually the root emotion. Anger can often be a cover to hide hurt, sadness, and wounds. The key to successfully processing anger, or any emotion, is to allow God into it. When David vented his anger to God it became divinely inspired psalms. When Jesus got angry, he defended the Father’s house and holiness. When Jonah got angry, God spoke to him. Anger was never intended to control you, despite how controlling it may feel. Anger was not designed to build emotional walls, be ignored, or bottled up. Anger is not an excuse to hurt the innocent. Anger is meant to fuel a holy action or direct us to God. When it’s processed in unhealthy ways, the enemy capitalizes, using it as the gateway to hatred. If we live this way, we are no longer living for what Christ stood for.